It’s a Boy!

EmbryoI probably should have posted this a long time ago, however I have been terrified that something will go wrong. We did our transfer March 9th, little man was already hatching. I wish I would have taken a picture. I tried and tried to stay positive, but honestly I prepared myself for the worst. After years of being let down why on Earth would something go right for us now? That is how I felt for a very very long time. I’d be lying if I said I still didn’t have my moments. Anyways, fast forward to March 16th. It was our anniversary so we went to dinner with some friends and our daughter to one of my favorite places to eat. I was starving! I drank a glass of wine, ordered my food and I couldn’t touch it. I couldn’t make myself eat it. The next morning I got up as usual to drink coffee and watch the news but I couldn’t force my coffee down nor could I keep my eyes open. That is when I thought, hmm maybe I should test. Maybe? Nope I didn’t, I took Cheyanne to the doctor as planned and the entire time I was cramping. I knew without a doubt this was it, it’s over. I am about to start. Here I sit 8DP5DT and I usually start like clock work so I assumed that was it. When we stopped to get her prescription I decided to grab a test. Why? I have no idea. I went home and tested and before I could even pull up my pants here sits my blazing BFP finally!!! Could this really be happening?????

PT6 Weeks8 weeks

Went to the doctor more times than I can count for blood work and ultrasounds. All worth it so don’t think I am complaining! I had weeks of bleeding that did NOT help with me staying positive. It was and still is a complete emotional roller coaster. I needed those biweekly ultra sounds. They kept me sane. I am now 17 weeks 4 days and I am dying cause I haven’t had one since 12 weeks 4 days. When I was released  to my regular OB he asked if we could wait until week 20 for another one. Fine, do I have a choice? So here I sit, trying to be patient and positive…



Our Journey


Growing up I never imagined that there would ever come a day that I would not be able to get pregnant. Not ever. I got pregnant with Cheyanne by accident when I was 17! Fast forward to 2009, 9 years later and I get pregnant by accident again. James and I had just started dating, it was a complete shock. I honestly never even told him. Not because I didn’t want to, I didn’t know how to. We had only been dating a few months, I wanted to wait till my first Dr.s appointment to confirm it before I crashed his party so to speak. He was only 23 at the time! However miscarriage happened before I ever made it to my 6 week appointment. We went our separate ways shortly after, he never new. At the time, I truly believed God knew what was best for us. It hurt, it hurt bad. But I knew he had his reasons, I respected and trusted them. We got back together in 2010, boy were we head over heels in love! There wasn’t a day that went by that we didn’t see each other. By November of 2010 we had moved in together and were planning to buy our first house in 2011. Went to Colorado in February of 2011, he proposed!!!! I said YES! The next month I find out I’m pregnant again. Surprise Surprise! Made it to our 6 week appointment only to find out there is a gest sac but no yolk sac, I start bleeding that same day. I finally told him about the first miscarriage. We didn’t try after that. We bought our house, got married, and enjoyed each other. Started trying again in 2013, nothing happened. Not a single glimmer of hope. Start of 2014 we went to our first RE appointment and did every test and surgery known to mankind. Nothing that would really explain it. We both have the MTHFR mutations and immediately starting taking meds for it. An entire year goes by again and nothing. Took a break for a couple months and went to see my amazing Dr at Houston Fertility Specialist, Dr. Gruenert. His staff is amazing! We did three IUIs and still nothing and we had GREAT numbers in his SA and follies! Took another break and traveled all summer. Did a couple more IUIs the end of 2015 and still nothing.

We decided it was time for IVF! What has made this so incredibly challenging and heartbreaking is not having an explanation as to why, without that we can’t fix it. This entire process has had it’s challenges in our marriage and has completely made me question God. I shouldn’t, I know that. But when you long for something so deeply and see everyone around you getting it you will question WHY.  Why am I not worthy enough, what makes us so different that we do not deserve a family? I can’t tell you how many  times I have just wanted to throw my hands up and quit. It’s a lot. But then I have so many friends and family members that keep pushing and holding on to faith.

I am holding on to Faith. We will get our chance, we will get to grow our family.

Things you shouldn’t say to couples that struggle with Infertility!

infertilityWhen we first started this journey years ago we promised each other we were not going to tell anyone about our infertility issues. I was completely okay with that. Completely… That was until I realized how many couples are suffering just like we are. Nobody wants to talk about it, we didn’t wanna talk about it. We were embarrassed, ashamed, sad, angry, resentful, and so many more indescribable feelings. We had no idea that there are so many couples out there struggling with infertility. I sat in my Dr’s office one Friday morning in tears, I cried. Not because I was there and in that situation. I cried because in that very moment looking around that room I realized I was not alone. Majority of the people I have met through this process do not speak publicly about their infertility. Why? Why do we have to keep quiet, why should we feel embarrassed and ashamed? We shouldn’t! People who make us feel that way should. I won’t feel that way anymore!

I have embraced our infertility struggle ever since that day.


My family is my rock, my sisters are my strong when I want to be weak and throw my hands up and walk away. They are more supportive and understanding than I ever gave them credit for. No offense Sis. They know everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly! It wasn’t until we decided to move forward with IVF did we start letting certain things go public to people outside immediate family. We were very quickly slammed with one of the most hurtful and absurd comments from someone very close to us. We got a very harsh reminder why we wanted to stay quiet about all of this in the first place.

Not To Say:

  1. Don’t gossip about your friend’s condition. For some, infertility treatments are a very private matter, which is why you should respect their privacy. If we confide in you, that doesn’t mean we want you to tell everyone else.
  2. Don’t be crude. Don’t make crude jokes about their vulnerable position. Crude comments like, “I’ll donate the sperm” or “test tube baby” are not funny, and they only piss off your friends. They are rude, disrespectful, and just down right immature! I promise, we do NOT need your sperm! Nor should anyone laugh and say “test tube baby!
  3. Don’t minimize the problem. Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Comments like, “Just enjoy being able to sleep late, travel, etc.,” do not offer comfort. Don’t tell them to relax. Comments such as “just relax” create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. Don’t ever say this. Not ever.
  4. Don’t complain about your pregnancy. For many facing infertility, it can be hard to be around other women who are pregnant. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Not complaining can make things a little easier for your friend. Cough Cough! My Sis! Lol
  5. Don’t ask whose “fault” it is. Male or female factor. Just because a friend has told you he or she is experiencing infertility as a couple, does not mean he or she wants to discuss the details. This is totally irrelevant. Does it really matter whose fault it is?

“Test Tube Baby”

I don’t care who you are, friends or family. Do not ever laugh and refer to a baby as a test tube baby in a way that is making fun of them. Grow up. Seriously, grow up and get a clue. It is rude, disrespectful, and down right hurtful. No one going through invitro should ever have to encounter that. My husband did. It was a very sad afternoon when he told me. He came in and I could tell something was bothering him, I waited until we finished our regular “Hi babe, happy your home. Kisses” and what not before I asked what was wrong… 

I asked. I was not prepared for his response. It immediately led to tears rolling down my face. I wasn’t hurt, I was angry. Angry at how much it hurt him. Angry at how much hope he had in being honest with everyone. He was the one that was so reserved about being honest in regards to our fertility issues and decisions. I understood why, he knew how some people would be about it. He knew the snide remarks and immature comments we would get. I respected his decision. He also respected mine when it came to telling my family and what friends we did tell. After the anger subsided I got hurt, so incredibly hurt. I knew how excited he was about moving forward with invitro and how he wanted to share it with everyone he cared about,  he had chose not to share it with certain people before and the FIRST day he does.. He is dealt such a painful reality of  why we didn’t in the first place. After I spent way too long crying I stood in our kitchen and looked at me and said “I am not ashamed, I am not embarrassed, I will not allow anyone to ruin our happiness. My only fear is what if they look at our children differently? What if they treat our children differently? What if they love our children differently?” I CRIED EVEN MORE!

I will never be able to explain the feeling we felt in that moment. As much as it hurt, it also brought a sense of peace. We accept that not everyone will be respectful or even be mature about it and that is okay. We now know who to involve in our journey and who to share it with after we are blessed with our miracle.

If you are someone who can’t be supportive or respectful then you just shouldn’t say anything about it at all.