Author: xomandyxocheyxo

Body before Fertility drugs..

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The day I found out I was pregnant I immediately starting worrying about weight gain. Anyone who remembers what happened when I was pregnant with Cheyanne will know why! However I got pretty lucky with Wyatt. I gained the normal amount needed. I didn’t stress too much throughout my pregnancy after that initial “holy shit you better not get 200lbs again” thought. I weighed around 125-130 before we started our IVF Jouney. I was warned about the weight gain throughout IVF. I gained about 10-15lbs. The day I found out I was pregnant I weighed 138lbs. It had fluctuated between 135-145 pretty much throughout the whole process. I weighed 176lbs the day I went in to have Wyatt. I got to 145lbs almost within weeks. So I had gotten back down to pretty much prebaby weight but definitely not prefertility drug weight! I told myself the day I come home that I was not going to beat myself up over it, nor was I going to jump on some crazy diet and workout routine. I still feel this way. I am going to eat healthy and workout daily. If some days I don’t, then it is what it is. I will enjoy my newfound 15lbs and enjoy my new life along the way. Will I lose it? Hell yea. Will it take me more than a couple months? Of course. I know being 35 and this being my second cesarean that isn’t going to be a cake walk. I have carried around a “c-section tummy” for 16 years, I hate it but I knew there was no point in getting a tummy tuck until after I was done having babies. We aren’t done so that will continue to be postponed. 🙂 I have changed how I eat and have joined Kick Boxing! I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! I go three days a week and will workout at home the other days. I have truly enjoyed getting back out and sweating. I may look like a total dork trying to do frog crawls nor can I do a proper push up, but I don’t care. This is MY Journey. I laugh at myself and I’m sure they laugh at me. Oh well. LOL. You guys should have seen me at my first and LAST Cycle class. Now that was hilarious. I hated it. I will never go back. My butt still hurts and I did it on Tuesday. Props to all you guys that love it. I will stick to my Cross Ramp for cardio.

So I will end with this. Do not let society make you think that you have to be like the abnormal Moms out there who get their body back within days without a single stretch mark. Those Moms are weird. They aren’t normal. 🙂 Just kidding, they aren’t weird but they are definitely not normal. Be happy with your new found body and embrace it. We got a new tiny human to worry about. We have a new life to adjust to. Once that is done, then focus on getting your body back at your own pace. Not what everyone else thinks the pace should be.

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

Me time. Do you get enough?

Published on by xomandyxocheyxo1 Comment

headphones-on-world-off

I read this blog post today, you are worth finding yourself and let me start by saying this..It is so true!  In today’s society we constantly feel like we have to defend ourselves for being the Mom we are. Why? Why do we immediately feel we have to say “I love my kids or I love being a Mom” before we start saying stuff like “I need more me time” or hell, you may just need me time period! You want just one evening a week to go workout or tan. Working is NOT me time. Taking a dump is NOT me time. To be honest i don’t feel a bubble bath while listening to your toddlers scream wanting in the bathroom me time either. I don’t feel that anything you have to do is Me time. Time for yourself is something you want to do, go read a book at a park. Go to the gym. Go tan. Join a church group. Something! My goal in 2017 is to learn to juggle my new life with a newborn and Me time.

Our daughter will be 17 next month and we now have an 8 week old little boy that we have waited years to finally have! However the age gap between the two basically has made it like it is all new, I feel like I have truly started back over. Honestly, I have had to Google shit about babies! Yes, you read that right. I had no idea how far they could see, when they should be holding their up, at what month he would start smiling and cooing. But in 8 weeks I can count on my fingers how many times I have gotten dressed, put on makeup, and left the house! Anyone who knows me, knows how incredibly insane this makes me. Bat shit crazy may be a better term. I have been able to do what I want when I wanted for many many years now so this is an adjustment. A great one!  But a HUGE one. Now here is where I feel society would say “Should’ve thought about all this before having another one”. Screw you society. Like everyone in this damn world hasn’t had to adjust to new things in their life. Don’t judge me for demanding 30 mins to an hour every other day to myself. I love having the luxury of not having to go back to work work full time, we made the choice that I would only work 3 days a week.  But just cause I do not work a full time job doesn’t mean I am not entitled to enjoy time for myself. I am a damn good Mommy, Wife, and Business Chic full time 24/7 and I am proud to say that I need Me time! If we do not get it then it creates unhappiness, frustration, animosity, etc.. With that we can’t be the best mom, wife, friend, or worker. So I have put a plan in place that I am sure will have to be adjusted along the way but it’s a start. I will start to do the things I feel I want most right now! I can’t and won’t allow myself to stay in this rut I have been in for several months!

Here is to an amazing start to 2017! I hope it will be half as good as 2016 was to us 🙂

It’s a Boy!

Published on by xomandyxocheyxo5 Comments

EmbryoI probably should have posted this a long time ago, however I have been terrified that something will go wrong. We did our transfer March 9th, little man was already hatching. I wish I would have taken a picture. I tried and tried to stay positive, but honestly I prepared myself for the worst. After years of being let down why on Earth would something go right for us now? That is how I felt for a very very long time. I’d be lying if I said I still didn’t have my moments. Anyways, fast forward to March 16th. It was our anniversary so we went to dinner with some friends and our daughter to one of my favorite places to eat. I was starving! I drank a glass of wine, ordered my food and I couldn’t touch it. I couldn’t make myself eat it. The next morning I got up as usual to drink coffee and watch the news but I couldn’t force my coffee down nor could I keep my eyes open. That is when I thought, hmm maybe I should test. Maybe? Nope I didn’t, I took Cheyanne to the doctor as planned and the entire time I was cramping. I knew without a doubt this was it, it’s over. I am about to start. Here I sit 8DP5DT and I usually start like clock work so I assumed that was it. When we stopped to get her prescription I decided to grab a test. Why? I have no idea. I went home and tested and before I could even pull up my pants here sits my blazing BFP finally!!! Could this really be happening?????

PT6 Weeks8 weeks

Went to the doctor more times than I can count for blood work and ultrasounds. All worth it so don’t think I am complaining! I had weeks of bleeding that did NOT help with me staying positive. It was and still is a complete emotional roller coaster. I needed those biweekly ultra sounds. They kept me sane. I am now 17 weeks 4 days and I am dying cause I haven’t had one since 12 weeks 4 days. When I was released  to my regular OB he asked if we could wait until week 20 for another one. Fine, do I have a choice? So here I sit, trying to be patient and positive…

 

 

Our Journey

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Believe

Growing up I never imagined that there would ever come a day that I would not be able to get pregnant. Not ever. I got pregnant with Cheyanne by accident when I was 17! Fast forward to 2009, 9 years later and I get pregnant by accident again. James and I had just started dating, it was a complete shock. I honestly never even told him. Not because I didn’t want to, I didn’t know how to. We had only been dating a few months, I wanted to wait till my first Dr.s appointment to confirm it before I crashed his party so to speak. He was only 23 at the time! However miscarriage happened before I ever made it to my 6 week appointment. We went our separate ways shortly after, he never new. At the time, I truly believed God knew what was best for us. It hurt, it hurt bad. But I knew he had his reasons, I respected and trusted them. We got back together in 2010, boy were we head over heels in love! There wasn’t a day that went by that we didn’t see each other. By November of 2010 we had moved in together and were planning to buy our first house in 2011. Went to Colorado in February of 2011, he proposed!!!! I said YES! The next month I find out I’m pregnant again. Surprise Surprise! Made it to our 6 week appointment only to find out there is a gest sac but no yolk sac, I start bleeding that same day. I finally told him about the first miscarriage. We didn’t try after that. We bought our house, got married, and enjoyed each other. Started trying again in 2013, nothing happened. Not a single glimmer of hope. Start of 2014 we went to our first RE appointment and did every test and surgery known to mankind. Nothing that would really explain it. We both have the MTHFR mutations and immediately starting taking meds for it. An entire year goes by again and nothing. Took a break for a couple months and went to see my amazing Dr at Houston Fertility Specialist, Dr. Gruenert. His staff is amazing! We did three IUIs and still nothing and we had GREAT numbers in his SA and follies! Took another break and traveled all summer. Did a couple more IUIs the end of 2015 and still nothing.

We decided it was time for IVF! What has made this so incredibly challenging and heartbreaking is not having an explanation as to why, without that we can’t fix it. This entire process has had it’s challenges in our marriage and has completely made me question God. I shouldn’t, I know that. But when you long for something so deeply and see everyone around you getting it you will question WHY.  Why am I not worthy enough, what makes us so different that we do not deserve a family? I can’t tell you how many  times I have just wanted to throw my hands up and quit. It’s a lot. But then I have so many friends and family members that keep pushing and holding on to faith.

I am holding on to Faith. We will get our chance, we will get to grow our family.

Things you shouldn’t say to couples that struggle with Infertility!

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infertilityWhen we first started this journey years ago we promised each other we were not going to tell anyone about our infertility issues. I was completely okay with that. Completely… That was until I realized how many couples are suffering just like we are. Nobody wants to talk about it, we didn’t wanna talk about it. We were embarrassed, ashamed, sad, angry, resentful, and so many more indescribable feelings. We had no idea that there are so many couples out there struggling with infertility. I sat in my Dr’s office one Friday morning in tears, I cried. Not because I was there and in that situation. I cried because in that very moment looking around that room I realized I was not alone. Majority of the people I have met through this process do not speak publicly about their infertility. Why? Why do we have to keep quiet, why should we feel embarrassed and ashamed? We shouldn’t! People who make us feel that way should. I won’t feel that way anymore!

I have embraced our infertility struggle ever since that day.

Kinda… 

My family is my rock, my sisters are my strong when I want to be weak and throw my hands up and walk away. They are more supportive and understanding than I ever gave them credit for. No offense Sis. They know everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly! It wasn’t until we decided to move forward with IVF did we start letting certain things go public to people outside immediate family. We were very quickly slammed with one of the most hurtful and absurd comments from someone very close to us. We got a very harsh reminder why we wanted to stay quiet about all of this in the first place.

Not To Say:

  1. Don’t gossip about your friend’s condition. For some, infertility treatments are a very private matter, which is why you should respect their privacy. If we confide in you, that doesn’t mean we want you to tell everyone else.
  2. Don’t be crude. Don’t make crude jokes about their vulnerable position. Crude comments like, “I’ll donate the sperm” or “test tube baby” are not funny, and they only piss off your friends. They are rude, disrespectful, and just down right immature! I promise, we do NOT need your sperm! Nor should anyone laugh and say “test tube baby!
  3. Don’t minimize the problem. Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Comments like, “Just enjoy being able to sleep late, travel, etc.,” do not offer comfort. Don’t tell them to relax. Comments such as “just relax” create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. Don’t ever say this. Not ever.
  4. Don’t complain about your pregnancy. For many facing infertility, it can be hard to be around other women who are pregnant. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Not complaining can make things a little easier for your friend. Cough Cough! My Sis! Lol
  5. Don’t ask whose “fault” it is. Male or female factor. Just because a friend has told you he or she is experiencing infertility as a couple, does not mean he or she wants to discuss the details. This is totally irrelevant. Does it really matter whose fault it is?

“Test Tube Baby”

I don’t care who you are, friends or family. Do not ever laugh and refer to a baby as a test tube baby in a way that is making fun of them. Grow up. Seriously, grow up and get a clue. It is rude, disrespectful, and down right hurtful. No one going through invitro should ever have to encounter that. My husband did. It was a very sad afternoon when he told me. He came in and I could tell something was bothering him, I waited until we finished our regular “Hi babe, happy your home. Kisses” and what not before I asked what was wrong… 

I asked. I was not prepared for his response. It immediately led to tears rolling down my face. I wasn’t hurt, I was angry. Angry at how much it hurt him. Angry at how much hope he had in being honest with everyone. He was the one that was so reserved about being honest in regards to our fertility issues and decisions. I understood why, he knew how some people would be about it. He knew the snide remarks and immature comments we would get. I respected his decision. He also respected mine when it came to telling my family and what friends we did tell. After the anger subsided I got hurt, so incredibly hurt. I knew how excited he was about moving forward with invitro and how he wanted to share it with everyone he cared about,  he had chose not to share it with certain people before and the FIRST day he does.. He is dealt such a painful reality of  why we didn’t in the first place. After I spent way too long crying I stood in our kitchen and looked at me and said “I am not ashamed, I am not embarrassed, I will not allow anyone to ruin our happiness. My only fear is what if they look at our children differently? What if they treat our children differently? What if they love our children differently?” I CRIED EVEN MORE!

I will never be able to explain the feeling we felt in that moment. As much as it hurt, it also brought a sense of peace. We accept that not everyone will be respectful or even be mature about it and that is okay. We now know who to involve in our journey and who to share it with after we are blessed with our miracle.

If you are someone who can’t be supportive or respectful then you just shouldn’t say anything about it at all. 

Getting Started!

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Well I have decided that I want to blog. There are many things I have learned over the past few years and one of them and probably the most important is, talk about it! Many times in our lives we feel like we have no one to talk to about certain topics or situations. While that may be true,  there is probably someone out there who may be interested in what you want to talk about. Why not blog and try to reach that person? Maybe, just maybe someone will read it and understand exactly what you are going through or even just knowing that you said it and didn’t keep it all bottled up will make you feel so much better. Either way, you took that step!

So here is my step, here is the start of my new journey.

Hope you enjoy 🙂